20 things I learnt in my 20’s
I’m turning 30 tomorrow. I feel 65 and 13 at the same time. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone but that’s how I feel. Predictably a cliché but I’ll say it - I can’t believe I won’t be “in my 20’s” anymore. Am I excited for the new decade? Beyond excited! I already know it’s going to be even better than my 20s in countless ways, and yet as I begin this unsolicited list of advice (I love lists) I can’t help but feel nostalgic and a little sad to close this whirlwind chapter of my life. I’m so proud and grateful for these transformative 10 years and if there’s one thing you can take away from this its…TIME! It speeds up! And hangovers get worse. A lot worse. Ok, that’s two things.
No, but seriously - age is just a number and I’m no expert at life, so take this list how you may. It feels cathartic for me to jot this down so humor me and my many amel-isms 🧜♀️
The older you get, the faster time goes by.
Trust me on this one. Remember those high school summer months that would stretch on for literally years? Listen, these days if a month feels like two whole weeks, you’re #blessed.
You think you know everything, but you (still) don’t.
I thought I knew everything when I was 16, then again when I was 21, then 25 - turns out, I still don’t. There is no clear path to “adulthood” and you’re never going to be at the point where you know everything. We’re constantly evolving, changing, and learning. We’re a work in progress.
Who gives a f*ck what people think.
You can’t make everyone happy, not everyone has to like you or be your friend. That’s perfectly ok! Your self-value and your beliefs should always be paramount. Do you, honey.
Invest in experiences, not things.
I have my share of nice things and I’ve been lucky enough to experience some pretty experiences as well. Put in parallel with each other there is not even a glimmer of competition as to which column stands out more.
Fall 7 times, get up 8.
Just don’t give up. Just don’t! Cry it out but get up after!
Apologize less.
We’re conditioned as women (South Asian woman in my case which is a whole additional layer) to apologize often. Being so accommodating that it becomes a knee-jerk reaction to say “sorry” even when nothing is wrong. There is no need. Apologies should be impactful statements only uttered when you are truly in the wrong.
Take care of yourself.
Take your makeup off before you sleep, have a night routine, and a morning routine, work out, watch what you put into your body (in moderation, we all know Mcdonald’s is life). You may realize you can’t have that third slice of pizza and trust on the hangover part, they are worse.
You know what’s right for you if you listen.
There have been countless times in these last ten years when there was a little voice in my head telling me if something was good for me or not. I’ve listened to it maybe 50% of the time but it has been 100% accurate, 100% of the time. Lots of percentages here but the point is to listen to that little voice, it’s there.
Time is the most invaluable resource.
Similar to #1 - time is ever fleeting and it’s not infinite. This is probably one of the only certainties we know in life. Respect your time, and respect people’s time.
Do the werk.
There is literally no get-rich-fast scheme – at least for us mere mortals. You want anything in life: a career, an ideal body, a good relationship - well guess what, you have to werk, bitch! (s/o Britney). You can fool others but you can’t fool yourself. The weekends will feel so much sweeter if you work for them.
The only way to grow is to do the things that scare you.
A true WIP. The only way to get over fears or grow as a human is to face the things that scare you most. My mom literally used to tell me this all the time: “If you’re scared of something, look at it straight in the face”. She was absolutely right. Parents just know (this should be a point of its own in fact – all those little mom and dad sayings – well, they’re true.)
Small consistent steps go a long way.
Success - personal or professional doesn’t happen overnight. Know your short-term goals and long-term goals and make little chips at it every day. One day you’ll wake up and you’ll be turning 30, 40 even 50 and you’ll be like damn shucks, I guess I did a lot of the stuff I wanted to do when I was 15. It’s a cute feeling. This can be as minute as washing your face every day, going for a walk, reading a page of a book, or putting $5 away. Consistency compounds.
Diversifying and investing was a great decision.
Figure out how to have multiple streams of income so you don’t rely on just one. Even if it’s something super small to start with, you can add on that. Also, everyone says this but really, invest. Make your money work for you. Understand the mechanics of growing what you have, take risks in your 20s, and remember, always play the long game.
You’ll grow apart from people in your life and that’s OK.
Some people will be in your life forever and some will not. Don’t force any kind of relationship. We are constantly evolving and changing and inevitably grow apart from some people in our life. It’s okay. The relationships that are meant to stay, will stay.
You can do anything you want only when you decide you want to.
No matter how big the goal is, you can achieve it only once you commit to yourself that it is truly something you want. I’ll leave you with another famous mom quote, “A journey of a thousand miles, begins with one step”. Bebe steps.
You’re literally BEYONCE.
Your body is beautiful, your face is fucking flawless and your mind is a maven. TRUST.
There is no one path.
One of the biggest myths I’ve busted is that adults actually know what they’re doing. Everyone is just figuring it out, no matter how old you are. There isn’t a right way, right time, no one path that is “correct”. Honestly, it’s free for all and the sooner you realize it, the better.
Your biggest competition is yourself.
It’s so useless to compare yourself to others. You’re stuck with yourself whether you like it or not. Focus on yourself and compare yourself to who you were a day ago, a week ago, or a year ago. There is no one in my life that is as critical as I am of myself. You are your own biggest critic, biggest competition, and supporter.
Mental health is also a thing.
Mental health was never a focus for me growing up. In my culture, it’s not a theme that is paid much attention to but turns out it is as important as any other facet of your life, if not the most important. Find outlets lets to keep the waters calm and just like your body, career or relationships make sure you give it time and attention.
The grass is greener where you water it.
It’s not the other side, it’s where you water it.
FreebiesDon’t take the red-eye. Not worth it (Not to be mistaken for the 6 am, that’s worth it)
There is no such thing as being bored
NOBODY is thinking about that one thing you did years ago
Coconut oil can be used for basically anything
Expensive wine doesn’t mean it’s better (Unless you’re in Europe)
Silence is underrated.
Everything passes with time.
If you don’t ask, the answer will always be No.
Adults don’t know what they’re doing (See #17).
Your energy is felt before you speak.